My mind is full of clouds. I keep seeing doubt but I don't know what it's about. It's something internally because nothing has really changed. Only thing that really changed was my focus. I'm focused on something more than just music. I'm focused on helping people find a better. It's kinda like that was my true calling. Help the world so the world can help the world.
But why the hell should I feel doubt? WHY?!!!! I know I have the ability! I know I have the drive and passion! Why should I be feeling doubt?
Is it my current lack of funds catching up to me? If it is, I need to break that mentality(even more) that money equals bliss. Is it because I feel a lack of creativity? If it is, I need to find some motivation within myself and trigger something.
The thing is I can't let this build up. I can't let this manifest into something that is nothing. I can't allow me to be the doom of me. I can't allow this negativity to rule me again.
I was always a optimistic person. The glass was always half full to me but I never knew what it meant to really have that mentality. I was always worried about the worst case scenario, until I realized that the worst case scenario in any situation is death. Everything is good because I'M ALIVE!!!!
My new appreciation of life is here and I guess I'm just being tested. I'm being tested by the Universe and myself. A test of what? I'm not even sure, but fuck it, I'll figure it out.
Maybe it's fear that is my test? Let's see how much fear I actually let consume me? Let see if I can live fearlessly.
The funny thing about this is, I know when this is all said and done, the outcome will be 100% worth it. I must be free!! I must be me!! Free.....
Peace & Love
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