Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.... DECIDE!!!!!

Making one decision becomes the hardest thing to do.  Before I make one, I think of every possibility that can go wrong.  Lately, I have been thinking about what it symbolizes to me, the world around me and what it could eventually symbolize.

I literally sat here in this truck debating with myself if I should post a Vine because I wasn't sure what it symbolized to me, my spirituality, my future, the world (Mama Earth), how it could create a chain reaction in the cosmos, what it could lead to, how it can shape my Life, what could it bring, what energy(per se) am I attracting, soo many things for one very...  Very.................    Very simple Vine video.

The video was absolutely nothing.  Nothing dramatic, nothing flashy, just one stillframe of me recording my work building with "I'll Be Missing You" playing in the background.  For maybe 15 minutes, I was beating myself up worrying if this was the right thing for me to do.

It took me forever to think of the title for it, why?  Because I wanted to make sure it was the right title.  It took me what seemed like forever to post the video, why?  Because I wanted know 'should I be doing this?'

There shouldn't have been a problem with any of these decisions because nothing truly was wrong.  I was well, well, WELL within the confines of the law.  No one is going to judge me for it (or at least shouldn't).  I didn't know what I could gain from that experience (the experience of me simply pressing 'ok' to post this on my Vine profile).  BUT....  It was soo difficult, I couldn't understand why?!

This isn't the first time this happened to me.  It has actually been going on for a little over a year now.  I try to make the right decision for every single monent I'm apart of.

Of course, this isn't a bad thing...  Actually, I should be doing this!  Now my question is why do I obsess over it?

Am I afraid of "wrong" outcomes?  Am I afraid of potentially seeing a future that I did not plan for myself nor see as an option?  Is it the unknown I'm shook by?  Am I trying to appease someone or something (or both)?...  What do I need to break this or more importantly, why do I do this?

I guess you can say I do this for the best.  I strive to be the best at what I do, so the best can come out for me, so the best can be reached for me and the people around me, so I try to make every decision I make for the best...  Towards everything.  Seems pretty simple, eh?

How could things so simple be soo difficult?  I'm just trying to see the best...  Whoopity-doo, I'm doing something that every single human being is doing.  So, again I ask "Why?"

I could say it's because I have a future in mind for myself.  I have come to a understanding that our Lives are molded based upon our decisions.  I do not want to stray off track of how I want to see my future and gained an extreme tunnel-vision because of it.  A tunnel-vision soo extreme that it is effecting my every day Life doing normal day to day activities.  Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, though...

I'm trying to mold my future for the best for me.  I have goals I want to accomplish, I have dreams I want to prosper with, I see challenges I want to overcome.

Even as I write this now, I'm not sure what it could bring.  A simple blog post...  What does this symbolize to come?  Should I be worried?  Does mean if I'm really worth it?  I'm not even sure what any of this means.

Maybe...  I'm just learning more facts about myself?...  They say your struggle is what gives you the most meaningful lessons in Life.  Maybe this is apart of it.  I don't know.  I just wish to overcome all that is in front of me and gather strength to endure and get past it.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?  Let's just hope I don't die in the physical or the mental.

I must always remember, only I have control over what is inside my mind.  My mind, my body and my soul is all I truly have control over.

I'm trying and I'm working my best for the best.

Peace.Love.Joy.Metal.

The One

I want you.  I passionately desire you.  Will our two world collide?  Only time will decide.  Til then, I'm enjoying you as a glimmer of beauty in my eyes.

As the moon moves the oceans, I want you to move my Life.  To gather the emotions that it takes to make a Life.  I aspire to be something I should not.  But I have Love in my Life that I choose not to make rot.  To share these emotions, I would cherish thy.  I would not ignore the fact that you are not like the rest of thy.  I give my decree of a Love I wish to be.  Your desire and fire is all I would want from thy.

I've been through tornadoes, felt earthquakes, even been washed ashore from a great flood.  I have survived all, but it is for you I will die for.  I would give you my Life, my honor, my wisdom and make myself your armor.  At no price, you shall receive this.

Escape you from any pain, put away all dismay, for in a field of riches is where we shall lay.

I'll protect you even though you are not mine, I'll hold when you need a place to cry.  Do away all sickness; health until we die.

I choose to never lose you, as I would never abuse you.  I do not want to seduce, but only if you choose to.

Freedom is what I can give.  Make Life where you see fit.  I'll stand by and hold you down;-) help you choose the Life you want to Live.

The Fall

Come one, come all, Let's all experience the fall.  We should all drop from the biggest building.
Let us feel alive. Let us never die.
The fear of feeling alive is exhilarating.  The thrill of dying is what keeps me alive.
I awake up each day knowing what the world will bring.  But as soon I step out that door, I forget the memories of yesterday and 5 minutes ago.

I've killed a man in my dreams just so I could gain a sense of reality.  I pay attention to scriptures and signs. I listened to wise men and God. Still, all point to this less-traveled road.

Young and old, gold and stone, fire and water, the scared and the bold. As Life unfolds it all does not matter, just laugh and grow phatter, not worrying about all that is matter. Worrying will only get you madder... Sadder... And fatter...

"I can't bear the thought of losing, I dread the attention winning brings" -- Rise Against

Lay rest for your soul. It's tired and has been dragged along the coal. It whispers to you, it whispers to me, it just wants to be. Sleeping awake? Please guide me so I can learn how to sleep awakened. I've held my breath for 24 years, now at 25, I'm just learning what air is.

Wake up my child... Wake up my child... Wake up... Be awakened... RISE!!!!!!!! It's your time to shine. The light might make you blind but a blind man can see all. Now to the fall...

I'm falling and I'm falling, I'm falling until there is no more. Maybe I'll fly like a Dove, maybe I'll just fall into a crowd. Too proud to die but denial isn't a way to be Alive. So I strive.

Falling and falling ever soo faster. Yet, I am patiently waiting to see if a miracle will happen. I gave Death a cocky little smile and he didn't smile nor frown back, he just wanted me to be proud. I asked, "For what? What do you care?"
He replied, "for when your mission is done, I will be there."
So we starred...

I see my doom coming closer and closer. The wind cuts by my skin. As the air gets thicker and thicker... My Life suddenly begins.  Wings spread apart. I'm coming out the dark.  I feel like I'm on Noah's Ark and I'm the builder and it's only passenger.  Escape from my world or embrace it?

I ask myself questions that might make an Angel cry. But for one of those single tears, I feel blessed because SOMEONE IS HERE!!!!  Fighting no more, falling no more, I wash up ashore... Now it's time for me to explore and show the world the little knowledge I know.

Friend or foe I don't worry about thy. I'll just show you Love and I(t) won't come at a fee.  Try and test me now and I won't make you hit the ground, instead, I'll show you inside is where your Love needs to be found.

Jesus Christ and Buddha, Hitler and Lucifer. You all look the same to me, so I give nothing but respect to thy. A blind man may not see your face, nor care for race but he can feel your every grace and disgrace. A blind man knows a pure heart when he sees one.

So I block my senses and I start to feel. And I feel a lost Love in the devil's warm heart :-)
Good and evil, fighting for what is right. But right and wrong is blurry, like a truth and lie.

So I strive.

I strive for me and maybe even for my family to be. But still I cry, afraid of the beautiful things I may never see.  Whip the tears from my eyes, illuminate the Moon with just my light... And still the fight never ends... I fall again... The fight will never end... But I'm not afraid to fall again...