Wednesday, October 30, 2013

I'm Not Happy... Right now

I'm not happy.

I don't like my job
I feel doubt whenever I'm around family
I feel like my efforts are meaningless
I feel like the effort in Life is pointless
Life is a journey but where is my journey taking me?
Do I see the big picture or am I Living a fantasy?
What do my words mean?  What do my actions say about me?
My intentions are pure but I can never seem to shake off this dirty feeling about myself?
Is this normal?
Does everyone go through this at some point of awareness?
What does this meditation really do?
Am I helping myself?
Can I do better?  Or is this it?
How did I wake up today with such bleak thoughts?  Or am I accepting the truth of things and things to come?

Should I publish this post or keep it to myself?

Fuck it, tomorrow is a new day.  Take my emotions and what you feel.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Does It Even Matter?

Does it even matter?
Does it even matter that we all exist?
Does it even matter?
Does it even matter that we all know how to say hello and goodbye to every single person on this planet?
Does it even matter?
Does it even matter that when I open my eyes each day I see a beautiful day?
Does it even matter that I gave a bum a dollar today?
Does it even matter there is always a war over our horizon?
But does it even matter that there truly is no war outside our head?
Does it even matter that Love will always have pain?
Does it even matter?
Does it even matter that in every relationship, there is one beautiful, magical moment where Love is all there is?  Beginning, middle or end...  Does it even matter?
Does it matter that we are all born in the same way, in the same process of truly the same breed in the same way?
What's the difference between pushing out a baby and a C-section?  A black man or white man?  Human or kangaroo?  Life is being born and a part of the woman's body is being sacrificed...  Does it really matter?
Does it matter that I'm probably two seconds away from being fired from my job?
Does it matter that I see a higher road for myself, regardless?
Good or evil...  What's the difference in each era?  Does that even matter?
Does a legacy even matter?
A supernova is going to come one day?
Does that matter or not?
Will my conscious matter after this Universe is done with?
Does it all repeat itself or nah?
Sacrifice everything or nothing?
A sea of Love or a land of ruin?
One is established, the other can be renewed...  Does it matter?
Heart of a Lion or Live in peace as a sheep?
What does matter?
A family?  Maybe, maybe not
Creating a child?  Probably
Finding your Love?  You decide
Food on your plate?  Tell that to a spiritual Hindu finding enlightenment through fasting
You and me?  Do we matter?
Day or night?  When should I turn up?
Do what's appropriate or be original?
What really does matter?
What really could matter?
What really should matter?
What does it matter?
To me, as a matter of fact...  Fuck it.