Just Another Day In Paradise...

I woke up today feeling dead.  Everything was worthless, there was no hope, no justice, no peace, Love was still there but for what?  Doubt and negativity was surrounding me.  I wanted to call out from work but I called out last week.  I didn't even do my exercise for the day, because I felt soo lost.

It was almost like I was feeling the pressures of my worldly duties and the pressures of myself simply trying to better myself come crashing on my shoulders.  I didn't know what to feel.  I tried to uplift myself.  It gave me a boost (as selfish this is going to sound), it wasn't the boost that I was looking for.

I had to keep going with my day.  It wasn't going to make moves for me so I did what I had to do.  I moved forward.

It was rough, but it’s days like this that test you.  Not sure if I passed with flying colors but I made it through.  I definitely did what I needed to do.  Had some negative thoughts but I saw past them.  It brought me down but I got right back up.

You know what really lifted me up?  My music.  I was listening to Illmatic for the day but then I had to play some of the music for the project I'm working on.  It gave me a sense of hope.  It made me proud of myself again.  I created this, I put this together.  I had some help but came about because of me.

The closest comparison I can use to describe the growth of your music is a child.  You watch a infant being born, it learns to walk and talk, years go by it is using complete sentences, soon playing the park, then school and before you know it's grown and out the house.  That's kinda how the relationship between the music and the artist is.  It starts with some drums, a sample, a guitar riff or even something as simple as a thought.  You grow from there, you add one thing then the next, it starts to take shape, you might take away some parts and build from there, let it rest for a bit, you can do a million things in a million ways but what you create is what you created.

It's a beautiful process, something I take pride in me doing.  I know I might not be the typical artist or the typical producer or even the typical guitarist but I'm making what I do work for me.  If that isn't enough...  Fuck it.

Anyway it's a new day today.  Each day is different than the last.

Things I Must Remind Myself

•Life is not a race, move at your own pace
•Each day is different than the last
•Tomorrow is always a brand new day
•Make each day work best for you
•Make the best out of each situation you're in
•Enjoy the present as this moment will not be here the next day, or the next hour or the next minute.
•Enjoy exactly what you have.  What we have is the present and things change everyday.  Enjoy what Life has given you and know what you are giving it.
•Appreciate Life, thank Life and Love Life.  Life is what makes you *drumroll* Alive

Just a few reminders for myself.  Life isn’t perfect but Life is worth it.  You can make a million today and lose it all tomorrow.  Take every moment with a sense of pride within yourself.  Humble yourself to see that Life always has more to offer.  The moment you're in is for yourself, take pride knowing this is what you started, this is what you're making.  I am Living a beautiful Life and I thank whoever and whatever that has helped me throughout the way.  I am blessed to have soo many people blessing me throughout the way.  Nothing more I need to say.

PEACE

Love and Life After

Fond memories of you and me, yet truthfully, you're still the one I see me with.  Holding you in the depths of my arms.  You enduring my antics and my sweaty palms. Me looking in your eyes and seeing the suffering from pain from back when.

I try to wash away the stains we left on each other.  Not trying to listen to the advice of my older brother.  He told me, "You can't right the wrongs made by another brother."  But I hold on tight, not letting go of my pride, because this one, I see as my bride.  Too many nights we cried on each other.  Too many nights we fight under the covers.  But too little times where we were mentally moved by each other.

The bliss we felt gave each other closure.  You were the General and I was proud to be your solider.  I marched onward towards the goals of your warpath...  But that's all I found was war on that path.

Was I fighting you or was I fighting me?  I wanted to believe it but it was all a dream.  I had to reevaluate some things.  Did I want you or did want this Loving feeling?  Did the pros outweigh the cons or was I just being conned?  Did I really want to be here or somewhere else?  My mind was in disarray and my emotions were everywhere.

It smelled like teen spirit but with Love you shouldn't have to fear it.  Too old for these mistakes, I was trying to survive this emotional earthquake.  Like how Martin fought for the Civil Rights Movement, I was fighting for my civil right to feel a everlasting Love in this Life...  And yes, I almost died for it.

That nigga Cupid is a skilled marksman shooter.  Never will I regret Love because Life is nothing but a huge experience but the pain and bruises it leaves creates a huge fear in us and we must conquer it.  Trying not make the mistakes of my father but not trying to Live in fear like my mother.  Not trying to hang on the every word of my brother, I turn to my sisters and I see a Life that's in wander.  Now I ask myself, "do I dig my own grave or do I trailblaze my own way completely against the grain and away from my family's traditional mindstate?"

I had to let go of it all.  This Love that was poison, this world view that I have never chosen, this mind box that I felt was closed in, I had to take these skeletons out this closet that I thought only clothes were suppose to go in, all of it so I could free my Life that I never realized was ever soo frozen.

I might've been thawed out or I might still be in the hole trying to crawl out, either way a change is going to come and I won't stop until my mission is done.  Will I aquire a few things or will I aquire nothing?  Maybe I'm destined for everything...  My Life is a blessing and I'm learning these lessons.

I had fallen apart where Love starts, until I found my Life in its unknown whereabouts.  My soul is moving, my energy is creating a Love that's grooving.  I was tired of all these boxing bouts, now I'm trying to see Life and what it's all about.

Will I find nothing?  Fuck it!!  Who gives a damn?!  I'm just trying to see how Life was meant to be.  I want to be free, I'm going to be free, I want the world to see what we should truly be.  If there was a masterplan, I never got the blueprint.  I'm just using my truths and my knowledge and continously learning what to do with it.  Bearing my own fruits, stand in couth, avoiding all foolishness.

I thought it was Love I was after.  It was my Life, my own Love that I was tired of putting second after...  In the oceans of Life you might flow into some crazy rifts, but it's up to you to make sure that you don't go crazy with the tides.  In myself, I confide.  I'm reaching for a new level and not trying to be my own devil.  I won't set myself back, I won't fall for my own traps.  Not looking back on what it was and I'm not holding back on what it is to come.

I found some genuine peace and felt some relief.  Not becoming the beast that I hid underneath it all.  I grit my teeth because I'm waiting for my next test to accomplish this new found feat.  Maybe it'll be today or next week, either way I'm not scared of defeat. 

Peace be to you, peace be to all.  I'm here to enjoy Life even if I don't have it all.

Just another day in paradise...

Goals, Plans, Actions

Someone's Life may be hard, someone's Life may be harder.  We all have our problems, we just learn how to solve them.  A baby may be born by the choice of his mother, to grow and be a man is that of his father.

My mother had told me our Lives are of our own choosing.  We make the bed we want, in the end we must lay in it.  I just pray to God that I see old age in it.  Preferably with a wife and see some grandchildren.  Preferably in Life that I speak all greatness in it.

I just don't want to die on unaccomplised feet.  I wish not to hold my pride if it equals to my defeat.  Bury my senses so I can hear the words that my soul speaks.  Universe, God, help me reach my own peak.

If it equates out to nothing, fuck it.  I tried my best better than most that's been working.  I tried my best knowing I was putting that work in.  I tried my best feeling like my plan was finally working.

I did actions today, maybe make some mistakes tomorrow.  I did all this so I wouldn't lead a Life full of sorrow.  What brings pain today could bring pleasure when it's over.  I just keep strong and stand tall like I'm a solider.

A boulder might stand in my path.  I can't wait soo it can feel my wrath, test my limits knowing I destroyed that.  I get older, knowing that I must get wiser knowing "This Life is not just for you it's for us"  Mother Nature birthed us, so in God we can trust.

Love, lust, pain, greed, they all work hand and hand teaching us so we can see the finer things in this Life.  Maybe tonight I won't have to work soo hard.  Maybe tonight my Life won't have to be soo harsh.  I just hope I have the strength to make it.  Making one thing become a new, a burning down my own figurative tree and a noose.

My name isn't Kendrick Lamar or Shawn Carter.  My name isn't Marshall Mathers or Curtis Jackson.  My name is Joseph Markes and best believe I'm going to make it happen.  If it isn't in producing then fuck it I'm a start rapping.  Playing my guitar made me see that this was actual.  If Life has taught me a lesson it's that we're immaculate.  Now the facts are in.

What's factual is, Life is what you make it, we all make our beds but in the end we must lay in it.