Fond memories of you and me, yet truthfully, you're still the one I see me with. Holding you in the depths of my arms. You enduring my antics and my sweaty palms. Me looking in your eyes and seeing the suffering from pain from back when.
I try to wash away the stains we left on each other. Not trying to listen to the advice of my older brother. He told me, "You can't right the wrongs made by another brother." But I hold on tight, not letting go of my pride, because this one, I see as my bride. Too many nights we cried on each other. Too many nights we fight under the covers. But too little times where we were mentally moved by each other.
The bliss we felt gave each other closure. You were the General and I was proud to be your solider. I marched onward towards the goals of your warpath... But that's all I found was war on that path.
Was I fighting you or was I fighting me? I wanted to believe it but it was all a dream. I had to reevaluate some things. Did I want you or did want this Loving feeling? Did the pros outweigh the cons or was I just being conned? Did I really want to be here or somewhere else? My mind was in disarray and my emotions were everywhere.
It smelled like teen spirit but with Love you shouldn't have to fear it. Too old for these mistakes, I was trying to survive this emotional earthquake. Like how Martin fought for the Civil Rights Movement, I was fighting for my civil right to feel a everlasting Love in this Life... And yes, I almost died for it.
That nigga Cupid is a skilled marksman shooter. Never will I regret Love because Life is nothing but a huge experience but the pain and bruises it leaves creates a huge fear in us and we must conquer it. Trying not make the mistakes of my father but not trying to Live in fear like my mother. Not trying to hang on the every word of my brother, I turn to my sisters and I see a Life that's in wander. Now I ask myself, "do I dig my own grave or do I trailblaze my own way completely against the grain and away from my family's traditional mindstate?"
I had to let go of it all. This Love that was poison, this world view that I have never chosen, this mind box that I felt was closed in, I had to take these skeletons out this closet that I thought only clothes were suppose to go in, all of it so I could free my Life that I never realized was ever soo frozen.
I might've been thawed out or I might still be in the hole trying to crawl out, either way a change is going to come and I won't stop until my mission is done. Will I aquire a few things or will I aquire nothing? Maybe I'm destined for everything... My Life is a blessing and I'm learning these lessons.
I had fallen apart where Love starts, until I found my Life in its unknown whereabouts. My soul is moving, my energy is creating a Love that's grooving. I was tired of all these boxing bouts, now I'm trying to see Life and what it's all about.
Will I find nothing? Fuck it!! Who gives a damn?! I'm just trying to see how Life was meant to be. I want to be free, I'm going to be free, I want the world to see what we should truly be. If there was a masterplan, I never got the blueprint. I'm just using my truths and my knowledge and continously learning what to do with it. Bearing my own fruits, stand in couth, avoiding all foolishness.
I thought it was Love I was after. It was my Life, my own Love that I was tired of putting second after... In the oceans of Life you might flow into some crazy rifts, but it's up to you to make sure that you don't go crazy with the tides. In myself, I confide. I'm reaching for a new level and not trying to be my own devil. I won't set myself back, I won't fall for my own traps. Not looking back on what it was and I'm not holding back on what it is to come.
I found some genuine peace and felt some relief. Not becoming the beast that I hid underneath it all. I grit my teeth because I'm waiting for my next test to accomplish this new found feat. Maybe it'll be today or next week, either way I'm not scared of defeat.
Peace be to you, peace be to all. I'm here to enjoy Life even if I don't have it all.
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