Making one decision becomes the hardest thing to do. Before I make one, I think of every possibility that can go wrong. Lately, I have been thinking about what it symbolizes to me, the world around me and what it could eventually symbolize.
I literally sat here in this truck debating with myself if I should post a Vine because I wasn't sure what it symbolized to me, my spirituality, my future, the world (Mama Earth), how it could create a chain reaction in the cosmos, what it could lead to, how it can shape my Life, what could it bring, what energy(per se) am I attracting, soo many things for one very... Very................. Very simple Vine video.
The video was absolutely nothing. Nothing dramatic, nothing flashy, just one stillframe of me recording my work building with "I'll Be Missing You" playing in the background. For maybe 15 minutes, I was beating myself up worrying if this was the right thing for me to do.
It took me forever to think of the title for it, why? Because I wanted to make sure it was the right title. It took me what seemed like forever to post the video, why? Because I wanted know 'should I be doing this?'
There shouldn't have been a problem with any of these decisions because nothing truly was wrong. I was well, well, WELL within the confines of the law. No one is going to judge me for it (or at least shouldn't). I didn't know what I could gain from that experience (the experience of me simply pressing 'ok' to post this on my Vine profile). BUT.... It was soo difficult, I couldn't understand why?!
This isn't the first time this happened to me. It has actually been going on for a little over a year now. I try to make the right decision for every single monent I'm apart of.
Of course, this isn't a bad thing... Actually, I should be doing this! Now my question is why do I obsess over it?
Am I afraid of "wrong" outcomes? Am I afraid of potentially seeing a future that I did not plan for myself nor see as an option? Is it the unknown I'm shook by? Am I trying to appease someone or something (or both)?... What do I need to break this or more importantly, why do I do this?
I guess you can say I do this for the best. I strive to be the best at what I do, so the best can come out for me, so the best can be reached for me and the people around me, so I try to make every decision I make for the best... Towards everything. Seems pretty simple, eh?
How could things so simple be soo difficult? I'm just trying to see the best... Whoopity-doo, I'm doing something that every single human being is doing. So, again I ask "Why?"
I could say it's because I have a future in mind for myself. I have come to a understanding that our Lives are molded based upon our decisions. I do not want to stray off track of how I want to see my future and gained an extreme tunnel-vision because of it. A tunnel-vision soo extreme that it is effecting my every day Life doing normal day to day activities. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, though...
I'm trying to mold my future for the best for me. I have goals I want to accomplish, I have dreams I want to prosper with, I see challenges I want to overcome.
Even as I write this now, I'm not sure what it could bring. A simple blog post... What does this symbolize to come? Should I be worried? Does mean if I'm really worth it? I'm not even sure what any of this means.
Maybe... I'm just learning more facts about myself?... They say your struggle is what gives you the most meaningful lessons in Life. Maybe this is apart of it. I don't know. I just wish to overcome all that is in front of me and gather strength to endure and get past it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Let's just hope I don't die in the physical or the mental.
I must always remember, only I have control over what is inside my mind. My mind, my body and my soul is all I truly have control over.
I'm trying and I'm working my best for the best.
Peace.Love.Joy.Metal.
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