When you're looking at the wrong thing it's soo tempting.
I was right there with her. I made damn near perfect for her. Yet, my own precautions interrupted everything with it. Why do I always choose the wrong time to be wary? Why do I choose the wrong time to be adventurous? I don't know if this is true but that's how it feels. I feel like I really let her down. Now I can't even shake it until I redeem myself to her one day. It was fast passion. We were suppose to fuck crazy but I pulled out a female condom on her. She wanted wild nasty sex and so did I. I guess her aggressiveness made me precarious. I didn't really know her. We only met once years ago. Today, she just hit me up and wanted to just fuck wild. Afterwards she told me whoever she was with can't give head for shit. Here I am, tongue master Express, talking heavy knowing what I can do then she stops me because she wanted these lips raw. I understand but I also wanted to be a little safer. She was offended but not what she wanted. Can't get mad, although I wouldn't have minded condom head too. But she wanted to go wild. I misread that. Maybe another time but it's wild how this feels right now.
Did I need this to happen?
Is this my own doing?
What brought me to that mindstate?
The dirty talk was wild too lol didn't think that was in me lol.
But then I got shut down. Female condom head didn't work. Didn't even give it a chance.
I feel like a prick or something but whatever. I'm not. I'm just disappointed that I might've disappointed her. The only way to get over it is to just move on or try it again, this time when I know her better. Time will make this work. I'm just in the Blues right after.
Not to mention she mentioned how she wanted a baby in a year and was looking for something long term. It was me but it just happened soo fast like within a couple of hours. I'm happy I took my precaution but the build up and foreplay leading up to the moment was great. It just never went past that. It was intense but I'm the one that's tense. The ironic thing is most of my most beautiful relationships happened soo quick almost like that but way less. Also, there was at least a little bit of time where we got to know each other. Maybe this is my process. I never really looked at it like that. The ones I fucked that I didn't really know I didn't eat and if I did on those few occasions I had a bit of regret. Not like a burden because with raw sex there's always a little worry. I trusted her but I had to be cautious for myself really. Just my own psyche really. Why can't STD test be more readily available and fast as shit?
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