Well, I'm back here.  I hate here.  If I'm here it's usually been for a bad reason than creative.  So, I'm writing a blog.

FUCK EVERYONE

I've been feeling really used, lately.  Reminiscing and feeling used then.  I'm a big help to a lot but everyone just come me for that.  I rarely get a wellness check.  I'm always "suppose" to be fine.  "He's as strong as an ox, he can handle anything."  Cool,  but do I fucking have to handle everything?  I can handle anything, so give me everything to handle?  I THOUGHT THIS WAS TEAMWORK!?  I THOUGHT THIS WAS A TRIBE!?  A UNIT?  FAMILY!!!?  WHY WHEN I COME INTO THE EQUATION, THE SHIT END GOES TO ME?  THE GRUNT WORK GOES TO ME!?  Because I'm tired of doing everything, getting minimal credit, but needing me like I'm an executive.

It sucks because I've been appreciated when I was gone.  When I'm not there suddenly I'm the missing piece.  Then I eventually get taken advantage of.  I want to help but not the mental abuse of overworking me.

I'm tired of being downplayed like I don't know what I'm doing.  I'm tired of being proven right down like a year later too.  It really really sucks having the integrity but having it not seen because of selfish eyes.....until I'm fucking gone.

I'm tired of proving people wrong about my effort.  Yeah, it's a great "fuck you" at the end of it all but I'M TIRED OF WAITING UNTIL THE FUCKING END!!  Especially in my case, I get to the bottom line but that's always been the point when suddenly I'm appreciated.  The bottom line then folks jump on my shit.  Foolishly, I might've forgiven too many people that were close to me.  Some really needed to be left on their own or simply popped off on them if they're a man.

It's like I always got to go to some extreme measure to get basic respect.  I just want to be accepted as a regular person for fucking once!  Not q unicorm, unique person, weird, abstract etc none of that for once in my Life.  The only time even get that is when I work with folks I don't know, and treat them emotionless because of that.  Just work.  I don't want to be an emotionless machine though, but that's always the route I'm pushed into in people's lives, whether it be physically or emotionally.

I got to be emotionless or violent.  I don't want to br those things at all.  Capable?  Yeah, you should at some point if just for adapting in those situations but all the time?  Yo, this shit is stressful being the "strong fun friend".  Everybody loves the strong and fun part, but forget the friend part because "you're a party" then when I don't want to do that and just be to myself, I'M SELFISH!  I'm not doing enough whatever man fuck y'all bruh

Maybe I should be all alone in the woods.  At this rate, I'll make billions just by being alone.  Is billions worth that lack of emotion though?  That lack of touch?  Moments to remember?  I don't know because I'm feeling really forgettable, until I'm gone then folks want me back.

Maybe if I was that dickhead, "big bad wolf" and gave in to all I could physically do alone, then folks would've respected me and my effort more?  Whatever bruh.   Fuck this bullshit.